Twenty-one years ago, a boy was born in the Okinawa Prefecture in the distant land of Japan. His parents, both sergeants in the United States Army, raised him to be strong, tough, wily — a survivor. At age 7, he killed his first bear, the skin of which he would use to stay warm during the coldest of winter nights. By the time he was 12, he had taught himself to break the code used by the Japanese military and used it to launch guerrilla raids on their supply lines, stealing vital medical supplies that he would use to treat his family as they waited for the 61st division to return to find them. Help never came.
In 2008, on the 4th of July, that boy began his pilgrimage to his homeland. The Pacific Ocean was a long swim, but he had been preparing for this for his whole life. Two months later, he arrived in Waco, Texas.
Robert Griffin III is the perfect hipster. When he listens to a band, everyone else forgets they ever existed. He has the ability to turn water into wine, but he prefers to drink PBR. His favorite number is the number J. Superman wears an entire outfit modeled after the socks RG3 wore to receive his Heisman Trophy.For years, you’ve been reading it here at FantasyCollegeBlitz. Finally, the experts have realized what we’ve known since the final months of the Bush administration: Sir Robert C. “Cream” Griffin III, Esq is the best player in college football. Maybe the best ever. This Thursday night, we will see him take the college field for what may be the final time. Perhaps it’s fitting that this game is called the Alamo Bowl, because if Robert Griffin had been at the Alamo then the Texans would have won.
His comrades in battle are go-to WR Kendall Wright (131 ypg), Terrance Williams (81 ypg), and Tevin Reese (68 ypg). Terrance Ganaway provides his option on the ground (112 ypg). All the while, Griffin himself averages almost 400 total yards per game including an astounding 192.3 passer rating. Just when you think you’ve got him wrapped up, he does a 5-star reverse elastico and throws a perfect 50 yard touchdown pass… to himself. If you don’t think that 100% of his receptions have been to convert key 3rd downs on game-winning drives against higher-ranked teams, then you obviously didn’t follow Baylor football this year. So whenyou’re watching him gallop past, through, and over defenders, it’ll give you a glimpse of what the 400m hurdles (which Griffin is a Big 12 gold medalist in) would look like as a contact sport. Only the field isn’t 400m long and none of the other players have the same combination of speed and agility, so it’s also like watching someone go back and play the original Mario Bros after spending the last three years grinding out games on the Korean ladder in Starcraft.
Griffin’s feeble opposition en route to the Bears’ first 10-win season since 1980 will be the Washington Huskies. UW backup QB Nick Montana once commented that the only player he’s ever seen who is a better passer than Griffin is his own father. But, he noted, Joe didn’t average 50+ ypg rushing. Indeed, only one of the Husky runningbacks, Chris Polk, averages more yards on the ground per game than His Creamliness. And none of their WRs have Griffin’s 100% 3rd down conversion rate.
Things may look bleak for the Huskies, but don’t feel too sorry for them. Not only do they get to take the field alongside the greatest player in college football, but Baylor’s defense is also terrible, so the final score should be respectable.
Baylor 1687, Washington 1407.